so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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