They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
