You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sext me about skeletons
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
