you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
