Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
