I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
