its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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