bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
