i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
