k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
