He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
