I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
