is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
