u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
