pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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