i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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