I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
