Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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