So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
