I'm going to jail i love you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
