I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
