im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
