She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
