problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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