sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
