You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
