i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
