I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
