he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
