So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
