Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
