I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
