I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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