if you like me you must not know who I am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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