The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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