So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
