Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
