He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
