Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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