you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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