You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
