coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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