It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
