barbara walters just said penis...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to make out with him forever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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