Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
