I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
