I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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