Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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