is your mom at the bar?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
