She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
