Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
